New Year New Habits

So I’m sitting here in the new year, with a new puppy in my lap (yes she’s adorable, but she is growing WAY too fast!), ready to get a kick start on my new habits. Or I guess right now it is just a habit.

 I’m talking about writing. Ever since a workshop at southeast SALT last year I’ve thought a lot about journaling, but I always managed to come up with some lame excuse!  Actually that has been the story of my life a lot lately, just one really dumb excuse after another.  Usually they were more to myself than anyone else. But I decided about a month ago I was done with that and done with playing the victim card. I’ve been hurt a lot, just like every other person out there, but I haven’t truly let go of any of it. I said I had and I honestly felt like I had, but any time any little thing went wrong my brain immediately would pull up every situation even remotely similar. But that’s over, or at least I’m working on it. So to sum up that long rant I am done with the excuses!! If you catch me slipping back into excuses feel free to call me out. And since I’m done with the excuses I have started journaling. Thanks to my lovely little I now have a River Song-esque journal that I have started using.

In the few days I have used it so far I have realized the power of writing things down! It doesn’t matter how many times I think or say something to myself I will easily forget it, but something about writing it makes it more permanent in my mind. By writing down encouraging words, good things that happen, or even words from the Lord I have a permanent record of them. I can flip back at any point and look over what I have learned and lived through. Honestly I have random tidbits written all over the place! Some of it always goes unfinished, some sticky notes are pushed under some piece of furniture never to be seen again, and some of it just gets looked over.

Something about having this one centralized location for all of my important thoughts makes me feel more secure that I won’t forget anything! I can’t get in the cycle of emotions I have found myself in so often. The one of feeling bad, getting some word of encouragement, feeling better for a while, then forgetting what was said and feeling the exact same way again. With this little book full of these words all I have to do is look back. That’s the other part of journaling I must hold myself accountable for. Looking back over where I’ve been and where I’m going.

In this coming year I’m facing some of the biggest decisions I have faced this far in life. If I don’t keep track of how I’m feeling and what I’m think I will go absolutely insane!! I learned that the hard way last semester when I was just circling and panicking over my major. In these coming months I want to use pen and paper to help me figure out who I want to be. I’ve spent far too long leaning on other people and not standing up on my own. I’m hoping through this new habit or resolution I can clear up some of my thoughts and figure out what path I need to take. Plus hopefully with this journal I will just be able to edit a little and be able to post more blogs!

I’m not going to say I know exactly where I want to go this year or what I want to do, but I will say I want to grow and through this journal I will be able to look back at that growth and see just how great it is!

For now,

MISCHIEF MANAGED

Current Book: The Help

Quote of the Day: "I pick Tiger Woods because he's a sinner" ~ Brenna in a game of apples to apples

MOTS of love!!

My journey in becoming a sister in TBS has had its ups and downs but something I have truly learned this year is that my sisters are my family. We may have our moments of dysfunction, as every family does, but no matter what your sisters will always be there for you!

This is something I really came to realize during band camp this year. Before then I knew I was a part of our sorority but I didn’t feel close to very many girls and honestly I was jealous of the sisters with close bonds and even more so of one of my friends that was a brother. I watched her go through her journey to brotherhood and it broke my heart that I couldn’t muster up that much passion about being a sister. Things have changed though for sure!

Even before band camp began I went through the tough period of trying to decide if I wanted to put myself through it all again. I was so so passionate about this band program, but I was also terrified of being hurt again. I just didn’t want to be vulnerable and open myself up to that pain again. In the end through the encouragement of Shannon, Belinda, Kaitlyn, and countless others I decided the chance to be a part of this outweighed the fears of being cut again.

Of course as I went through preseason camp again the stress and emotions took over. I witnessed many break downs but I managed to hold myself together for the most part. Despite the roller coaster of emotions I truly enjoyed getting to help with uniforms and feel like a productive sister (something I didn’t feel like the year before because I felt that not being in the AUMB held me back). And while it’s hard again this year to watch the sisters working during the games I know that I am a part of this organization with or without being in the AUMB.

The day of and days after I got cut truly showed me how loving my sisters are. The morning after, I got a call from Britney Mason because she wanted to let me know that I was still wanted and needed as a sister.  I got encouraging words from Belinda and Allison and the multiple sisters that posted in our group really did help ease the hurt. I knew that this year was going to be different. Not just because of the encouragement but because I truly stepped into being a sister.

I have absolutely loved this semester even with the business of fall upon us all. This semester has been especially great because I got a little sister this year. And for those of you that don’t know I absolutely adore Elizabeth! I mean I don’t think a little and a big could be matched more perfectly!  I was nervous going in to first degree because of my shyness, but there wasn’t a moment of awkwardness (which says a lot since we are both self proclaimed generally awkward people).  I’m also glad that she knows her grand-big and great-grand-big; we make a nice Vestavia plus Brittany family!

I know that it’s still early but I can’t wait to get to know Elizabeth even better! I know I was nervous that I truly wanted to be friends to my little and that she wouldn’t want the same, but thus far I really don’t think that’s the case. I know this has been a bit of a gushing post but I am truly excited to continue to grow closer to my little and all of my sisters. I feel that I have found my place as a sister and found my passion for Tau Beta Sigma! I look forward to everything the future holds for me in TBS and I know my sisters will have my back!

As always,

MISCHIEF MANAGED!!

Current Book: The Lord of the Rings

Quote of the Day: "Washington is a lot like that. There was an Indian reservation near by, but I never saw any werewolves" ~ My English prof comparing where she lived in Washington to Twilight. After this she and another student discussed the new movie for a good 20 minutes.

Better Be, RAVENCLAW!!

I know it has been a while since I wrote anything. It’s been one of those vicious cycles where I will realize how long it’s been, but when I think about it I’m too busy to sit down and write. Then by the time I get a break in school work I have forgotten what I wanted to write about. So today I’m going to start again! And I’m going to be honest my posts will probably be short, but at least I will be writing again!

For today I’m just going to finish the post from last time. I was going to write about Harry Potter, but made the mistake of waiting for Pottermore before writing. As I’m sure many of you know that process of registering, getting in beta, and waiting for emails took much longer than I thought. It’s okay though because I got in and I got sorted into Ravenclaw!! If you know me you understand why that was so exciting. The idea of being sorted in Pottermore terrified me, because since I was little I have always considered myself a Ravenclaw. I didn’t want to realize I had been wrong about myself the whole time. Yes I’m probably too wrapped up in it, but it was important to me. None of my other friends got into the house they thought they would be in so I count myself lucky!

Other than Pottermore starting this summer I also got to go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter for the first time. It was one of those plans we all made on a whim, but in the end 3 of us actually worked out going. It was kind of amazing! Not only was it my first trip in college, but it was also the first time I did something like that totally on my own! It was just me and two of my best friends. We were able to get a special so we got two days in the park and 3 nights at a hotel for an amazing price! Also, it was THE WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER!! I’m not going to lied I definitely cried when we got there. Call me crazy, but I was excited to be there and excited to be on trip with just us! I know Cassaundra and Ariel thought I was crazy so you’re not alone. If I had been with my family it would have been a whole different story (they are constantly messing with me because of my HP obsession). This was just one of those trips that was so freeing! I saved up for weeks to afford it and was able to buy everything I wanted (another reason I was glad I got sort into Ravenclaw so it wasn’t a waste). I’m so glad I have these amazing friends and this amazing trip to look back on when I think of freshman year.

And of course the last movie came out. I was one of those people dressed up and at the theatre at 9. It was my last chance so I was definitely going to take advantage of it plus I had all of my stuff from WWOHP to wear! I really did enjoy the movie, especially being able to go with a big group from Campus Church and Shannon. Now I could sit here and criticize every little thing that was different, but I started separating the books and the movies long ago mainly just to maintain my sanity. I just want to talk about “then end of an era”. Now, you have to remember Pottermore came after the movie so that will be something that carries the stories on. But even with all the movies and books released I don’t feel like this is an ending.

I know that the story has finished, but for those of us that love these characters like real family it isn’t the end. Growing up these people and places were real to me. This story was the beginning of so much that makes me who I am. When I was younger I couldn’t read. I went to the special classes, but being forced to attempt to read out loud just made it worse! I hated the idea of reading, but then I picked up these books and feel in love. I am a huge reader now and I can trace that love back to Harry Potter.  These books affected more than just my reading though, they helped shape me into the person I am. I learned how to be brave and stand up for my friends. I learned that it’s okay to raise your hand and stand out in class. They taught me that being different isn’t such a bad thing. And most importantly they taught me that even in the worst of times you can find the light and overcome. For those of us in the Harry Potter generation we grew up with the kids at Hogwarts. We were the ones that went on the ups and downs of growing up with the characters. By being of the generation that waited patiently on the next story we truly went through every step of childhood alongside Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They really were like our friends and will always be near to us. I’ve loved other books and series, but nothing will compare with what I got from the Harry Potter series. This is a story that I will share with my children just like my dad shared star wars with my brother and me. Who knows, maybe my husband will be just as much of a fan (even if he isn’t he will be warned). I just know that this is a legacy that I will continue in my family and just hope my kids will be able to see some of what I got out of these books!

For now: MISCHIEF MANAGED!

Current Book: The Lord of the Rings

Quote of the Day: Alison: "Oh look it's my best friend."
                               Kayla: "He didn't even wave, that's mean!"
                               Me: "Oh man we're too sleep deprived to
                               understand sarcasm!"

The Summer of Beginnings and Endings

So this post is overdue and another post in general is long overdue, but in my defense this has been a whirlwind of a summer.  As a matter of fact I think I slept more hours per night during my first two semesters of college than this summer. That’s just not supposed to happen!! But as this summer draws to a close with the impending doom and joy of band camp I want to stop and recollect on what has been a summer of beginning and endings.

Let’s start by covering the beginnings first. It’s the beginning of trying to be happy with my life. It took me nearly 20 years, but hey better late than never. Now I’m not saying I have never been happy or anything melodramatic like that it’s just I’ve spent so much time trying to make everyone happy, and do what’s right, and do what’s appropriate, and think about what everyone else thinks, and live up to expectations that I ridiculously set for myself…*stopping to take deep breathes!!*. That’s the problem with being a perfectionist: you try to be perfect and I’ve got news that just isn’t possible!!

Also I’m so mortified of change that I will stick to a decision I made so long ago I don’t remember why I made it in the first place. Well if you don’t know me or are still clueless as to what I’m talking about this is all about my major. I am currently an elementary education major but I think that will be changing very soon. In the beginning of the summer I did my preteaching and it wasn’t that those little 4^th graders made me realize a hatred for children or anything like that it’s just the experience made me realize I never gave myself the opportunity to look at any other options. Or rather I didn’t give myself credit.

I was always the smart kid in high school and I was pressured to go to med school or law school; you know do something impressive with my life. But I didn’t want to do that, I was much much too afraid of failure to try anything that hard. And this summer I have decided I’m tired of avoiding hard work or risk because of the fear of failure. So after weeks of inner turmoil I took one of those evaluations with the career center and found out I am an INFJ personality which means I was basically in the right field but the other options I like were there as well.  So basically I’m looking at HDFS or psychology (and trust me I have been spiraling all summer so this was no easy decision and I still haven’t had the guts to actually change but I’m working on it!!)

This upcoming semester is a little late to change things around but I’m still trying to decide and thanks to AP classes I have plenty of wiggle room. It’s a scary decision, but I’m proud of myself for stepping out of my safe box of teaching where you take the easy classes and no where you are going after graduation. I’m proud of myself for not letting fear of taking chances hold me back from really living.

My whole life has been built in stepping stones of one safety zone to the other without only one or two excursions like people to people.  I’m just glad I can give myself a chance to do something that interests me and realize that if I do fall flat on my butt my friends will pick me up and dust me off!! Well since it took me half a novel to explain the beginning of the brave new Brittany (okay okay the baby steps towards brave new Brittany) I will save the summer of endings for my next post which will hopefully be tomorrow. And if you know me even slightly you have already guessed it will be all about Harry Potter!! Until then…

MISCHIEF MANAGED

Current Book: Pride and Prejudice

Quote of the Day:      Rabbit: “Can you tie a knot?”

Pigglet: “I can not.”

Rabbit: “Ah, so you can knot!”

Pigglet: “No, I can not knot.”

Rabbit: “Not knot?”

Pooh: “Who’s there?”

Rabbit: “Pooh!!”

Pooh: “Pooh who?”

And it just keeps going! I shouldn’t have found it so funny but I was in hysterics!

Goin' Back To Hogwarts

So I feel as if I need to put up another post fairly soon.  I would love for this to be a long one, but seeing as I am pretty sick it probably will just be an update.

I finished my pre-teaching week and honestly I still have no idea what I am doing. It has really been a hard week on me. I’ve gone so long being so sure and I feel like I’ve now been dropped in an ocean with no idea which way to swim. For now I’m just going to try to enjoy the summer will exploring what I really want to do. I know that if I am patient everything will work out for the best in the end, but I have never been known for my patience. Here’s to an opportunity to grow!!

Also for the most exciting news in a long time… IT IS OFFICIAL!!! IM GOING TO WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER THIS SUMMER!! That’s right!! Be jealousJ. Cassaudra, Ariel, and I finalized everything last night. We will be leaving on a Thursday, be in the park Friday and Saturday, and driving back Sunday. So that’s TWO days in the park plus we will be getting early admission to the parks. I am so excited for this!! I have literally been spending the bare minimum for weeks now!!  Be prepared for many more mentions of the upcoming trip!!

There isn’t really much else to mention. The summer has really had a boring start but it is relaxing. I promise next time I will have more news, but for now I am just going to try to get better.

MISCHIEF MANAGED

Current Book: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (I know I’ve been on this book for three post but know that it is summer I can actually read more than a chapter a week!!)

Quote of the Day: “We should make a parody of Rent”- Elana, “We should call it Lease!!” –me

Life's a dance you learn as you go

Sorry it has been a while. I’m pretty sure the goal of finals week was to set a new record of mental and emotional breakdown in one week.  I survived though, a little worse for the wear, but still in one piece. This week my brain has received just as much of a bashing. I’m doing my pre-teaching week in a 4^th grade class. I’ve shadowed before and didn’t expect much difference, but my first day the teacher left me in charge. VERY SCARY!! And the whole thing has left me questioning everything.

For the past years I have been so incredibly sure that I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. Last semester I considered secondary English, but that was still in education. Now I am utterly confused by everything. I don’t know what other options there are, but I just don’t know anymore about education. I am for sure in full spiraling mode.

It makes me feel better that I’m not alone. Two of my friends, one in music ed and one in special ed, are both going through their pre-teaching weeks now and are going through the same thing. I’m glad I’m not alone in this but don’t wish this confusion on anyone else either.

I guess for now I will try to continue going in each day with an open mind and try to do some soul searching. Maybe I should look into some other careers though. I promise after this week of sleeping and teaching only I will continue to write.  For now though…

MISCHIEF MANAGED

Current book: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Quote of the day: I no longer live with shannon and I am lacking on good quotes so I will use an old one "I wan't to stand in a room full of teenage girls when Taylor Lautner walks in and scream 'Look! It's Sharkboy!!'" ~ Shannon :D

Life has awkward moments

*Sorry this took so long, but I have written and erased this so many times over the past 3 days trying get some kind of point into words.  It may not be eloquent but it’s the best I can do! I can’t try to re-write it again.*

Now I know there are those moments you can’t avoid no matter how hard you try. The you are walking towards someone and you both step the same way, step the same way again, stop exchange a laugh and walk on. The walking too quickly around a corner in the student center and hitting someone (shout out to Shannon here).  The opening a door and then can’t figure out who should go in first. The oh I really thought you were my friend so I waved frantically and now you are looking at me like I’m crazy (because that person has never done it themselves).  These could go on and on and these are just the things that happened to me today. 

But what about those moments in life we make awkward?

 For instance I am the type of person who is completely ok sitting in silence.  As a matter of fact I am usually utterly lost in my own mind when this happens. Typically though, if we are sitting with someone we feel the need to fill every second with conversation.  And what’s even more awkward than the pauses is when you both fall silent and are wondering if the other person feels uncomfortable. You know you are both sitting there wondering if the other person wants to talk, but you can’t come up with anything monumental to say.  

Or when you encounter someone you don’t really know well (this one is awkward from every angle). You can walk past but worry that they will think you are rude. You can say hi and smile, but they might not remember you.  And if you stop to talk do you sit down with them or just stand there? Or if you are the one that is stopped how do you end the conversation? These situations make you both so uncomfortable!!

We also all feel the awkwardness when we worry what people will think of us. I know as a girl I constantly get in fights with my self-esteem and worry about everyone’s thoughts all the time. I worry if I come across as a nerd with my harry potter obsession. I worry if my personality is too loud or annoying. I worry if someone doesn’t want to talk about God when I bring it up. I wonder if my friends wish they had picked someone else. These are all thoughts that have plagued me before and I’m sure some similar have plagued you.

As I was typing all this I realized one thing that interconnects all of these moments. WORRY!! And I am the queen of worrying and anxiety. Actually, for lent I tried to give up worrying (this just meant every morning when I woke up I would hand my day over to the Lord and any time during the day that anxiety set in I would pray for peace and guidance) but it didn’t work out as well as I’d hoped. The question I have faced all year and especially during that time was how to stop the worrying.

To be honest with you I don’t know any cure-all to get rid of the worry. Something I have been working on is remembering when judging myself and others that we are all children of God and He knows exactly who we are and who we are meant to be. I also try to catch myself in the act of judging and remember the Lord’s love for that person. One of the most profound things someone ever said to me was “the Lord is proud of you”. Ariel told me this one night when I was feeling particularly unwanted.  Something so simple moved me so much!!

Unfortunately this isn’t an amazing and definite answer to the problem of worrying, but I hope this is a thought that will help you survive the worries that bombard us all every day. Remember that you are the Lord’s child and He loves you and is proud of you. Remember that you are who you are meant to be!! And don’t spend your time worrying about what other people think of you just worry what the Lord thinks of you!!!! It is easier to talk the talk than walk the walk on this one, but I hope somehow this will impact you in some way even if you just think about it once when you are judging. As long as this helps someone somewhere…

MISCHIEF MANAGED

*and because Shannon thinks I should have something at the bottom of each one:

Current book: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Quote of the day: “they look like wizards trying to be muggles”-Shannon (while watching the royal wedding)